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Will Kiss For Food by Ibrahim Onimisi-Suleiman


 Ibrahim Onimisi-Suleiman’s column

Ibro newI’ve never had to spend time in a kitchen. Most likely because my mom is an amazing cook. Don’t roll your eyes, yes I know everyone’s mom is a great cook (if yours isn’t, that’s not a problem, some lies are permissible)

Okay so we have established that all mothers are amazing cooks and my mom is the greatest right? Very good. So based on this established fact, I have never really had to handle a lot of culinary responsibilities which was fine until I was about 12 years old and she picked up a second job and I had to learn how to heat up food and mix final stages of jollof rice and beans and make eba and stuff for my siblings and I after school. What? I’m here writing this aren’t i? So apparently we didn’t perish at my hand.

Anyways, about a year later, my babysis picked up an apron and started her journey to challenging my mom’s title. Needless to say, all I did afterwards was make friends with the fridge and the microwave. A bachelor was born.

Fast-forward and skip through my undergraduate years, post grad and the one year of, ’I don’t know what I want to do with my life yet o!’’ and come to present day. I’m awake, it is late. I’ve been writing and watching Kieffer Sutherland’s The Confession. Actually, it is early. It is 2:34am. I am starving. Fridge turned up nothing to microwave. This is not good at all…

I head to the store; the Booboo got me supplies a few weeks ago in the vain hope that I would cook something for myself. Hmmm…the staples are here, rice, garri, beans, yam, even flour!

Hmmm…a few eggs in the fridge…yams in the store…this is easy, yam and egg-sauce!!! I even spied some sardine tins. But wait…I’m feeling creative and I want to be able to brag about it to the guys in the morning, so I decide I’ll make ‘’yamlettes’’ just like my mom used to.

Beat eggs, season appropriately. Boil yams, let them cool a bit and coat with eggs. Dunk in hot oil until coat of eggs fry. Easy-peasy.

So I peel and cut up the yams, get them on the cooker to boil, crack 3 eggs, whisk and season. Looking good. Hop back into the room to check on the episodes of The Confession that’s downloading. Looking good here. I’m multi-tasking and loving it, I decide to Google something I need to understand better while I go back to the kitchen. Yam is cooked, i drain out the water and set to cool a couple of minutes while I get out the oil and put some in the pan and set that on the cooker. My phone beeps; I continue a chat that had been going on all day. Don’t ask.

Okay, all set. Oil is hot, yam is cool. Let the dunking and frying begin. This is where the proverbial shit hits the fan. First piece of yam gets dunked and tossed in, no issues. Second piece gets dunked, decides to go scuba Sam on me. There I am, BB in right hand, struggling to fish out the errant piece of yam with my left hand. I finally scoop it out and it slips out of my hand. I snatch at it as it falls towards the floor and knock over the bowl with the eggs in it and in my bid to grab that with my rand hand, my phone drops in the eggs. I spin around real quick, scoop the phone out and rush to grab a kitchen napkin to wipe it off when my elbow knocks over the pan of hot oil…

I escaped being burned/scalded but in less than 10 seconds I lost my dinner/breakfast, my phone (at least for a few hours) my desire to attempt cooking and a large ton of pride. I can’t do this anymore. I need options. Anyone reading this, if you can help me, I would be willing to barter. I just need good food because these bachelor attempts at cooking aren’t for me…


Ibrahim Onimisi-Suleiman studied architecture at ABU Zaria.

He’s an established Choreographer, a national dance champion with YWAP’s SoulQuest and a Brand Ambassador for dance with Malta Guinness. Ibrahim has choreographed and performed on major TV commercials and currently runs WorDance.inc, a performance agency.

With sharp wit and a laid-back sense of humour, Ibrahim enjoys being with people but loves time alone to create.

He adores his mom and his relationship with God and family is important to him…

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